RU OK? Day - Any Day - Not Just a Catchphrase But a Cause

 

“Que sera.” In 2011, this was the phrase that Gavin Larkin – founder of RU OK? Day – and his son Gus, said to each other during their interview for Australian Story. At the time, both of them were battling with cancer - Gavin, with bone cancer, and a 13 year old Gus with brain cancer. 

The father and son sat together for the interview, united in what they were facing, and united in how they viewed it. “You could say, why me why me? Then you could say, why not me. What is it about us that’s so different or special? At the end of the day,” Gavin says, “life is random and that’s what’s makes it wonderful, and you’ve just got to cop the good with the bad.”

It was shortly after that, that Gavin passed away. And then in March 2013, Gus passed away at the age of 15. 

Ironically, it was the RU OK movement that provided so much for Gavin, Gus, and their family, as they were clearly not ok. 
In the months and years after Gavin and Gus passed away, RU OK? offered a foundation for the Larkin family, and for many others to pour their care and love into. 

The movement itself was born out of grief. Gavin began RU OK? in 2009, motivated by the suicide of his father, Barry, in 1995. The grief, trauma, frustration, and helplessness that impacted Gavin and his own mental health, became his inspiration to funnel his energy into raising awareness for mental health and suicide prevention. While “que sera” might’ve been how Gavin and Gus faced the unfairness of their own mortality, it was not an approach that Gavin was taking when it came to mental illness. He didn’t want others going through what he or his father had - or going through it alone - something he saw as preventable. 

RU OK? has come a long way since then. There is much more publicity around suicide rates and mental unwellness, in Australia. There are more incentives and supports, and suicide prevention organisations. And while RU OK? is a recognised day on the calendar to really examine and take time for those around us - to reach out and connect with one another, and even ask oneself the question - it needs to be more than a day. 

The RU OK charity exists to keep that question on the forefront of everyone’s lips for the other 364 days of the year, and to bring genuine meaning to the question  - not just a catchphrase, but a cause.

Its core belief, is to connect people in meaningful ways, to keep social connections regular, and to combat against people becoming isolated, disengaged and more at risk of mental illness. The Australian Bureau of Statistics, in 2021, stated that 43.7% of Australians had experienced a mental disorder at some time in their life. They defined ‘mental disorder’ as a “clinically diagnosable disorder.” The statistic above, is only showing those that have been diagnosed. Many people will experience mental unwellness without diagnosis, support, or understanding, for what they are going through. 

Even before it gets to the point of someone being diagnosed or reaching out for support, there will be weeks, months, years perhaps, of struggle, pain, hurt, sadness, anxiety, and a host of other feelings - much of which goes by unshared. We shy away from sharing what we are struggling with, and we shy away from starting that conversation with someone who we are worried about. But, there are signs that can alert us to distress and disengagement of ourselves, or those around us. And wouldn’t it feel great, if you are that person, to have another genuinely ask, “are you ok?” 

It feels like we’re moving into a new age of community awareness when it comes to mental health. It’s becoming more acceptable to talk about mental illness, ask for help. But we’re still ingrained with the concepts that showing our emotions, or acknowledging we’re struggling, is a weakness, a failure, or publicising that we’re not coping is being self-indulgent. There’s always someone that has it worse off right? Why should we be complaining? 

Inevitably, there is still judgement towards those of us that talk about our diagnosis. There's still a lot of work to do. Stigma hasn't gone away. Judgement hasn't gone away. And that's exactly why we need to keep having these conversations, not just today.

But if we don’t keep challenging those old misconceptions around mental health, we don’t start changing culture for the future.

It’s ok, to not be ok. Especially when we're facing so much uncertainty globally, if not locally.

 

 

It takes time to change generational mindsets. It wasn’t that long ago that PTSD in returning war veterans wasn’t even recognised. Women were hysterical or crazy if they cried, men were weak. It takes time to change a culture. And Gavin Larkin knew this. Asking someone “are you ok?” when they are deeply rooted into mental illness, may not seem like the answer… but asking, is a prevention strategy for the years ahead, not an immediate cure. In a society where getting professional help might be delayed or restricted, we can all start by taking a little bit of responsibility to care for ourselves and others. 

Signs to be aware of could be, someone being confused, irrational, concerned about the future, concerned they’re a burden, being reckless, or changing their usual habits, lack of interest in things that usually hold meaning, withdrawing, going through a traumatic event, relationship breakup, health issues, work stress, a dramatic change in their life. A lot of people are good at masking their pain - out-of-sorts behaviour isn't always obvious. 

While all these things happen to all of us each and every day – as Gavin Larkin acknowledges – it’s how we get through these things, how we connect to each other, and what supports we have around us that could make a difference. If you know someone is struggling, just making that little connection and saying “hey, do you want to go for a coffee?” could help ease the pressure that day. Sometimes people might say no, and that’s ok, make sure they know the offer is always there, and check in on them at a later time. 

You don’t have to have the answers. You don’t have to solve their problems. You don’t have to tell them what to do. You just have to listen, and let them know you’re standing next to them. 

We have to acknowledge that not everyone wants to share what’s going on, especially if someone they aren’t familiar with approaches them. 
If you’re reaching out to someone, and they don’t want to share, that’s ok too. 

 

But at the end of the 'que sera' day, we never know what someone has going on in the background, and we don’t even need to necessarily ask them if they’re ok. But we can always meet each other with compassion, because we never know what will make the difference in someone else’s life.

 

So today of all days, be mindful. Be open. Be there. Que sera, sera. 

 

For more resources, including workplace toolbox meetings, visit the RU OK? website.

 

 

If you or someone you know is experiencing distress, crisis, or needs urgent mental health support, please reach out to one of the trusted services below:

 

Crisis and Mental Health Support

Lifeline: Call 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention.

Beyond Blue: Call 1300 22 4636 for support with anxiety, depression, and mental health challenges.

Suicide Call Back Service: Call 1300 659 467 for nationwide telephone and online counselling.

13 YARN: Call 13 92 76 for a 24/7 crisis support line run by and for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people. 

 

Specific Support Services

Kids Helpline: Call 1800 55 1800 for free phone and online counselling for young people aged 5 to 25.

1800RESPECT: Call 1800 737 732 or text 0458 737 732 for domestic, family, and sexual violence support.

MensLine Australia: Call 1300 78 99 78 for men with emotional or relationship concerns.

Ask Izzy: Visit Ask Izzy to find local housing, food, and health services.